Lyme Disease and Resetting Expectations

Every time I tell someone I am a teacher, they say, "It must be great to have the summer off. " When I was applying to the private sector, I was told that so many times it has kind of been a slap in the face. I hate it. I hate the smugness of that statement and the dismissal of the fact of how hard I do work during the school year.

Regardless of my feelings of people, I do get summers off and usually that means I use that summer as a reboot. I use it as a way to restart myself and get focused. I had a couple of simple goals for the summer: I wanted to start training again with running with the possibility of running the Hennepin 100, I wanted to ride my Mountain bike 50 miles, complete a 100 miler on my road/gravel bike and be able to do some trad leading of simple routes. I was way on my way to my goal in early mid May. I was riding a lot more, I was on a training plan for climbing, I had even uped my running mileage. I was focused and ready. Every free moment of my time was spent focusing on my goals. I was even looking pretty great :) I was climbing stuff, I'd never done before. I was meeting new people and doing cool things.

Then the end of the May happened. I crashed. I was exhausted. I assumed it was the end of the year burn out and the fact I had been trying to do too many things, but most of my days were spent laying on the couch and watching Seinfeld and Bob's Burgers. You see non-teachers the end of the year sucks. You have children who no longer listen, you have colleagues who are openly drained and whiny, and you have the mountain of paperwork looming; however, I had a pretty good year. I had created systems that were working and my students love consistency and regularity, so my end of the year was pretty great. I got done with all my paperwork, but I was exhausted regardless. I canceled climbing adventures and rarely rode my bike. I was tired. I just wanted to lie down.

I had a mountain bike trip that was planned the Saturday after I got out of school, rain canceled it and Paul and I just wanted to check out Levi's Mound. It was a blast, but I was uncontrollably tired the next day. We went to John Muir and I tried to push through it. I ended up falling off an obstacle and landing directly on my face. I was pretty shaken up, I wanted to ride through it and I struggled with some nausea and dizziness. I woke up the next morning and my left leg felt shattered. I was having ringing in my knee and heel. I felt horrible. It didn't make sense, I fell on my face. I didn't fall on my leg, but I chalked it up to pushing through a hard workout.

1 week later and my body still didn't feel right. I rested, iced and took ibuprofen. My legs felt dead and a little twinge would cause me to almost collapse. As any good runner thinks, I just need to run it out. I tried. The next morning my knee hurt more. The pain was moving all around. I kept thinking I needed to ride it out and stop being a baby, but after my ride, my knee swole up to almost double the size of normal. I went to the doctor, to a sports doctor and scheduled a MRI. No one had an immediate answer. Some suggested I had gout or tore something. I had 40 ml of fluid in my leg, the doctor thought I might have some type of infection. I asked the doctor to run a test for Lymes, he agreed...

I had Lymes. I went through 4 doctors visits and an MRI before I was tested for Lymes. In all fairness, I didn't have a classic "bulls-eye" and I didn't connect the dots that my night fevers and lethargy was caused by the Lymes. I didn't know what to tell the doctors in their rushed and quick versions.

So where am I know?

I haven't climbed in over 6 weeks.
I cannot run from my house to my car without feeling pain.
Riding my mountain bike uphill causes severe pain in my leg.
I can ride my road bike, but there is struggles with general fitness and I struggle up hills.
I have had some success in swimming.
I am on antibiotics and unfortunately one of the side effects is sun sensitivity. This means when I am out in the sun, I feel drained easier and am exhausted.
I am fat as fuck. I am over 175 pounds now and have been comforting myself in eating the foods that make me feel better.
I am sad. I feel lost. I feel lonely. What am I if I am not outdoors exploring or running or climbing or cycling? What am I?

So what am I doing to combat this?

I am going to ride my road bike even though it is painfully boring. My goal is to still ride a 100 miler by the end of the summer.
I started the Keto diet again. I need to stop this pain in my legs and trying to eat anti-inflammatory foods is the way to go. I know how much sugar effects me, my brain and my mood.
I am going to try and be patient with myself. I have a disease and it is not me wussing out when I don't feel right or tired.
I am going to try to drink Kombucha, eat Kimchi, and fermented food daily to combat the antibiotics.
I am reestablishing myself to my sobriety and spiritual practices. I cannot let myself feel this sad or lonely when I have a community out there waiting for me.
I am fucking Jason Penticoff. I am a champion. I am a kind, caring person. I offer love and patience to my children and friends.

I know this is stupid, but I really just needed to get this off my chest. I always will be an oversharer. Deal with it.

Weight Gain and Next Steps

I stepped on the scale yesterday and I am up to 169 pounds. Last fall, I honestly was at around 155-159. I had stopped running a lot because I was at a point where I was injured (psoas muscles) and that I lost my love of running.

I have spent the last six months lifting and climbing and doing a little bit of running (maybe 10-12 miles a week.) on top of this I have been going through a divorce. So needless to say, I have been junk eating. I have cut back a lot of the bad stuff, I was eating a diet of PDQ sandwiches and rockstar energy drinks.

So here I am, weighing the heaviest I have been in about 10 years. I am also stronger than ever before I can easily bench/squat 135 and deadlift 200 pounds. I can do 100 pushups easily and do more pullups than I ever thought I could possibly do.

But, I have missed running and have started adding the miles in again. This gives me extreme pleasure and it feels great to be running and running fast. All this strength has lead me on a faster path than I thought. My pace is much faster than last fall and my lungs are finally turning around.

So, I am basically calling myself out. I need help. I don't really know what to do. I have tried Paleo before and I have had some success, I have never truly tried a Keto diet, but I want something that is life changing and I really can't see myself drinking heavy whipping cream. I was thinking of the 21 day fix, but worry about energy and recovery from workouts. I am at a point where I would like to try something different. Summer is around the corner and I am in a place where I believe change is possible.

So give me ideas, your opinions and what you think I should do.....

New Type of Training

So, I have started training again. I am excited I am doing three different things than I have ever done before.

1. I am hitting the weight room 3 x a week using the stronglifts app. It is a super fun workout that my buddy Kevin Grabowski recommended. I am already deadlifting over 100 pounds!

2. I am signed up for the Tuscobia 75 mile race and I have started training pulling a tire. I have run 10 miles pulling a tire and 12 miles pulling a sled with a 40 pound bag of ice.

3. If I am not running with the tire, all of my runs are being done at MAF pace  this is running at your heart rate that is 180 minus your age. So my runs are all being done at 144 beats per minute.

I so far have loved adding the weights the 5x5 is a pretty simple program and uses all of the main body muscles that you would need to get stronger. I am a little nervous because I am a skinny fat guy. I have never truly done a weight system so I am pretty lean, but I have a pretty high fat percentage >13% and I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I have never developed a strength routine.
I am interested in seeing the results.

The pulling the tire is a blast I love it and it is running really really slow but hard. Tuscobia is going to be a challenge because the trail ends up being more like an eighty miler and involves pulling all your own gear. THERE IS ONLY ONE AID STATION! (more on why I chose this race tomorrow)

Finally the MAF pace. My friend Mark and Jessica  has been telling me to run at this pace for base training for a while but it has felt like death. The first couple runs i have done have been super slow (8:30- 9 minute pace)  but it is something that people have seen success doing.

Call for comments: What do you think? Does this look like the plan of someone who is on their way back? What are your thoughts on these workouts/programs? Let me know!

200 mile of inspiration

"You have never lived till you have almost died. For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know."

So I haven't returned to serious mileage yet. I have been rock climbing three times a week and doing my Glute Medius workouts. I am in the hunt of getting stronger and trying to figure out what I need to do to find my passion again. 

If you asked me if I would ever lose my passion for running, I could not imagine it. But last week, I was feeling the blues. I was feeling lethargic and done. I just wanted to eat Rocky Rococo's and watch my belly expand. 

Doesn't this just look carbolicious! 

Last weekend, I was able to witness something that turned that running misery around. I was able to crew my boy Lee Dalgety as he attempted to run 200 miles at the T-Bunk. 

Now what has gotten me down lately is just a lack of connection, I have felt a lack of connection with my job, wife and the world around me. I have felt like I am floating through life each day and not really feeling connected. There have been moments where I feel connected with people, but lately it has been few and far between. I feel these lyrics from Bruce Springsteen song better day really represent what I was feeling:

" Well my soul checked out missing as I sat listening

To the hours and minutes tickin' away

Yeah just sittin' around waitin' for my life to begin

While it was all just slippin' away

I'm tired of waitin' for tomorrow to come

Or that train to come roarin' round the bend"

I long to feel connected. I love running because it is one of the few sports were I feel truly connected to the world around me. Each foot step is a realization that I am one with the earth. Each foot pound is a realization that I need to remain grounded. But without running, what am I? 

When I am with my friend Lee, I feel connected. Lee is one of my few running buddies. When we run together the miles do fly by, if you do not know Lee Dalgety, let me introduce you. He is a South African expat that lives in Middleton with his wife, 2 kids, and 2 dogs. He has hurt Val Kilmer and has been chased with machetes. He has cleaned his tent of baboon dung and has been held by his ankles out of the window of a moving train. He is a man who lives life, he has experienced life, and he loves life. 

He also never talks shit. He hates nobody. He wants to make the world a better place. 

He is my kind of dude, or maybe he is the exact opposite of me. 

I paced Lee last April at the Potawatomi Trail Runs 200. He won that race with a time of 51:23 minutes. He has the course record there and I really doubt anyone is going to be able to break it because the course is a monster and the weather can turn nasty in a moment. We were lucky to have some beautiful days. 

T-Bunk started on Friday and I had to work, so I didn't get out there until he was on loop six. T-Bunk is a loop course and the 200 has you run the same loop 22 times.  I set up his ungodly old tent and sat and waited for him to come through. When he came through, I was feeling out of it, my hip was hurting and I was feeling sullen about some personal issues. Around mile 5, I started feeling better. I started running stronger and when you pace lee you run fast. 

Lee ran each lap consistently, strongly and quickly. Most laps were completed in the 139-145 range and with the exception of the second night. He ran hard. He ran consistent and he ran without complaining. He talked the whole time. We talked about love, life and farts. We smiled as we watched the sunset and laughed at stupid things. We cried about our kids. He asked his wife how she was doing and was worried about my hip. This man ran smart, with compassion and with love.

He was so thankful to everyone. I was able to get a crew of Hank, Paul, Dwight, Jason K, and George. He was not alone from mile 50 on. Each person that finished running with him felt better and smiled harder than when they started the lap with him. I honestly never laughed so hard in a weekend than I did with Lee and his crew. 

I ended up running 5 laps with him, just over 46 miles. My hips loosened up, my spirits were lighter and I was feeling ecstatic. I was screaming every time we ran in and Lee finished with a 44 hour and 32 minute finishing time.

I can only find one faster time on trails in America. It is simply amazing. 

I left that race as I always do after running. I felt connected. Which to me is what running is all about. 

Forced Lee to smile!

Telling him to get going.

Who ran the 200 miles? I bet you can't tell!

Gluteus Medius

I went to the PT on friday. It was an interesting conversation. Looking at my gait and working through my muscles. We found out that I have no major tears in my hip muscles or that I have no serious tears in my leg muscles. So this is the good news, the bad news is that I am not engaging my glutes when I run. So when I run, I end up using my psoas muscles, which are a much weaker muscle than my glutes. While doing the screening I was found to have a really weak gluteus medius. I actually couldn't hold my leg up when my PT was pushing against my leg. I was given a bunch of excersices. Does anyone have any suggestions? I would like to hear what you think I should do.

I honestly do not really understand how I can run without utilizing my glutes. It does not make sense.

So, I really have not been running much because I am trying to strengthen the glutes and relax my psoas. I however did have the pleasure of pacing at the inaugural Milwaukee Running Festival. It was a great time and I really enjoyed running in Milwaukee. I jumped in at the halfway point and I actually rode my bike on the course. It was amazing riding my bike on the empty streets in a major city. My legs felt ok, however, I was a little upset that running at a 725 pace was so difficult for me. I should be able to run that easily.

It did give me the sexiest marathon finish picture ever.

Please give me suggestions about what you think I should do. Any and all will be accepted!

Failure...it is an option

So what now...

I have been struggling intensely since the summer. I never did hit 100 miles. I hit 80 frequently and hit 90 once, but I never did hit the illustrious 100 mile mark.

I felt like a fraud writing about how great I was doing, when inside I hated running. My body was beat up. I was struggling with electrolyte imbalances, cramping up in my sleep and running slower. But I did what most of us do,  I pushed through and said, "I will get through this. I will become tougher. I need to keep pushing forward."

However, it left me feeling frustrated and empty. Running became a job and once the school year started (I am a teacher.) I fell apart. I could move through the runs, but I felt hurt and broken.

I ran North Face 50k with a time of 447. It is about 25 minutes slower than I wanted, but while I was running it felt as if a ball pein hammer was smashing into my psoas muscles and I shortened my stride. I then paced the Chicago marathon and I felt sluggish and hurt. I got a massage afterwards and started to feel a little better. But every time I ran over 9 miles the hammer would enter my hips, and once it started the pain never ended.

So I lined up for the Fall 50, with modified hopes and expectations. I knew there would be pain, but that I wanted to finish. I wanted to prove I could run through pain and be a tough guy. But after 9 miles, the pain came back and my pace went from 8s to 9s to 10s to 12s. I was hobbling. I was in pain. I was in worse pain than at NF. I couldn't extend my stride. I was miserable. So, I dropped. It sucked, I hated to do it. Luckily my friend, Jessica Garcia's boyfriend, was waiting for me and he drove me to my phone. Jessica went to finish 3rd overall female. I wanted to be by her side when she celebrated victory.

So what now? My future in running feels bleak.

BUT NO!!!! Running has been a life force in my life. It got me off the couch, saved me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Running has been there for me when I needed it. Through the cancer of my father, through the struggles of adulthood and through the ups and downs of depression, anxiety and addiction.

Join me as I fight back! Join me as I learn how to be a stronger and smarter runner. I have PT sessions lined up, I have gait analysis lined up, and I have a new commitment to strength. I will make it through and be a better runner.

I will be back.

An Ode to Running Buddies

I have been running with the Berkeley running company pretty regularly for the last two years and I have to tell you that if you have not run with us yet you are truly missing one of the best groups in Madison.

I have been running marathons since 2006 and I have been looking for a true group of running buddies since then. I ran with the DC Roadrunners when I was in Northern Virginia and the Virginia Happy Trails Running Club when I started running ultras. But when I moved to Madison, I expected to find a bunch of running groups and I didn’t find one. So I created a group, Madison Ultra Distance Runners (MUDRS (https://www.facebook.com/groups/303869722963958/) and struggled meeting people to come run with me (although I have met a core group of friends from the group). Then I heard about the Berkeley group runs from BJ at a mutual friend’s wedding. I was intrigued and started running with him and the redsocks pretty regularly.

What I love about the redsocks is the diversity of the people. We have pure marathoners, ultramarathoners, triathletes (world class ones to boot) and xc skiers. The diversity also is represented in what we do: teachers, professors, it workers, bankers, contractors and electricians. Some of us have run super-fast marathons; some like me are still puttering around.

But what I love is that we have each other’s back. We support each other when each other are having a rough period or injury. We wait for each other at finish lines. It is what I have been missing in my running and it makes me a much stronger runner. Thanks guys!

Reminder, I am still running 10 miles each Monday from Berkeley East (Olbrich parking lot) and would love to meet some new running buddies!

UPDATE: I haven't made a 100 mile week yet. I hit 72 last week (I was sick on the day of my long run) and 70 the week before. Things are going well this week and I should hit 99 miles and I am still injury free and feeling strong. My weight hasn't dropped and I am feeling a little bit more tired (been going to bed super early at night). I can really feel the difference in my running when I eat well and when I eat poorly.